Sunday, May 22, 2011

He's a Nut Job

Rocky Thompson loved to tell others he was a Christian even if he didn't always act like one.  He didn't let his own short comings get in the way of spreading the good word.

Rocky never did that well in school although he believed he was a genius.  When he didn't do well in high school, he would say "the public schools are liberal indoctrination institutions.  If you don't jump through their hoops, you don't do well.  I for one and not willing to jump through their hoops."  This inability to take responsibility for his own actions landed Rocky in Moravia Community College.

While attending Moravia Community College, Rocky joined the local conservative club.  He learned to blame big government, illegal aliens, lawyers, homosexuals and the liberal media for all of the ills of society. 

Although a poor student and an awful writer, Rocky realized his path to success was to figure out a way to inflame the malcontents through speaking and writing.  He would also prey on the poor and ignorant by renting them apartments and selling them beat up old cars.  And he would do so as a "Christian businessman."

He quoted the Bible constantly-- in his writings, on Facebook, on Twitter and to everyone he met.  And he started to gain a following.  In fact, he gained such a following that he ran for Congress at 26.  He was soundly defeated, primarily because his campaign was based on the same vapid message of hate and discontent he spouted and that had become profitable for him.

Thompson understood an "endless campaign" was a great way to make money and fuel other business interests.  Newt Gingrich taught him that.

Thompson was known to frequent a local bar called Big Dan's Ale House.  Here he would knock back Vodka and Red Bull and pontificate.

One night Rocky argued with a law student from Moravia University.  Rocky was clearly outmatched.

"There is no separation between church and state.  The Founding Fathers were Christian.  This is a Christian nation!  Case closed!  A Reagent Law professor taught me that."

"First of all, the Establishment Clause prevents church and state from being merged.  That's why the Revolution was fought.  It was about breaking the bonds between church and state.  Second of all, most of the Founding Fathers were deists."

Rocky didn't know how to respond.  "That's liberal banter.  Those smart lawyers bend and twist the truth.  Jesus is the truth.  God is the truth.  We will take back America from the likes of you!"

Rocky staggered out of the bar.  He was drunk out of his mind.  When he walked out the door, his wife was there to confront him along with their two daughters.  "I'm leaving you Rocky.  I can't deal with your crap anymore.   You are a drunk and a hypcrite. You are so full of it."

Just then a man walked past Rocky and punched him in the head.  Rocky went down like a sack of bricks.  The man ran off, and he was never identified.  The law student Rocky had been arguing with filmed the whole incident on his cell phone, although there was no way to ID the guy who punched Rocky.  The video went viral, and it was so successful that Rocky scored numerous appearances on Fox News and other conservative syndicates.  He said the man was a member of the liberal attack media.

One producer on Fox News was asked what he thought of Rocky Thompson as a serious candidate or as someone with a legitimate critique of the left. 

His response was "Clearly the guy isn't Bill Buckley or Irving Kristol.  Hell he probably doesn't even know who those guys are.  I doubt he even knows there are three branches of government.  He's a nut job, but we need nut jobs.  They boost our ratings.  Now that Glenn Beck's gone we need someone to fill the void.  We need someone too dumb to know how dumb he really is.  Rocky is probably our guy."

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